no more grey hopefully..

i just got back from getting my hair colored- and she said that i'd have to make another appointment for a foil in 2 weeks because i was more concerned about covering the gray hair that i'm privileged to get (i'm pretty sure i can thank my dad for these genes because i got his hair color). i seen that kelina (a lady who works at sabathani community center) emailed me because we were supposed to have a phone conversation scheduled at 1:30 today about me falling all the time (that's what she said it was about anyway and i got the feeling that she'd be firing me because i fell so much and to give someone else an opportunity to volunteer). well, i was wrong.. i called her and she asked me about falling and i said, "yeah.. i honestly think it's because of the wheels on the chair and the chair without the wheels sits so low, that i'm not sure people can see anyone is there to work the desk." kelina said, "oh okay, i'll get you another chair to sit on without wheels that people can actually see you sitting in.. i was wondering if you had any skills tests taken and if someone could send me the results?" and i said, "well i'm pretty sure i remember taking an aptitude and skills test for my job coach a while ago.. she SHOULD have the results." and then kelina told me to have my job coach email her the results to any skills tests i took. so i called my job coach and she said that she didn't think she could because she didn't have a release of information signed for her and to email her asking her to contact my job coach with her contact information and they'd get things worked out. it's kinda nice because i feel like kelina may have got the impression i was a handicap disabled idiot LIKE EVERYONE ELSE NAIVELY ASSUMES but now she sees that i'm actually capable of actually doing more to help them. although, honestly, i'm hoping she's talking about a position which actually pays money- i hope i'm not wrong to get that assumption. that's probably one of the major reasons why i'm still looking for jobs even after having this receptionist position at sabathani. although people may try to put a jam on my plans (as usual) and deny i had any aptitude tests taken.. i KNOW i took many tests (some of them may have been at gilette) because they were trying to prove that i was mentally disabled (i obviously disappointed them- NOT sorry amanda and mom because they're so obsessed with keeping me in a fuckin nursing home in minnesota with all my privileges taken away so i can't have a life of my own and to make them look like a family who actually cares about me (they're mistaken because if they REALLY cared about me- THEY'D LET ME LIVE MY OWN DAMN LIFE like my grandma ASSUMED amanda would encourage so she didn't take any of my privileges to make MY OWN DECISIONS away and so that way my current living family assumes i won't "get into trouble"- which couldn't be further from the truth because that'll just motivate me to get into trouble and make them all sorry they didn't let me live my life the way I want). i'm positive that my grandma knew that and she naively put her confidence in amanda to actually HELP me live MY life the way I want. however- since amanda doesn't care about her own aunt- she could care less about what the crazy lady CLAIMED.. RIGHT AMANDA?!
i also had ics before my hair appointment and i told zen i wanted to check on my waiting list positions for housing. he checked and he said i was like 248 or something for hackensack and like 47 for concord and like 400 something for new jersey. he told me not to be disappointed with my number for hackensack because the waiting list goes so fast. he predicted 2-4 years (if i remember right) for concord and like 5 years for new jersey. gotta start somewhere i suppose. i remember he told me that i'd get the apartment that concord just offered me and i had to reject it since i have a sorry excuse of a "support" system in 2-4 years. so to be honest with you- i really don't think he actually knows but is giving an estimate so i'll have an idea of how long it'll be.